"What really gels a marriage are children."

And baby makes six

BY NG WAN CHING
The New Paper - Nov 11, 1999

Hi, it's me again. Two days ago, you saw me in tears on the front page of The New Paper. Someone didn't want me. Yesterday, you saw me crawl away, someone couldn't have me. Today, I'm not crying or walking away. Someone wants babies like me. And not just one either

IF you go by the book, Dr Bernard Thio and his lawyer wife, Mrs Thio Ying Ying, fit the bill of a typical working Singapore couple - with perhaps two children.

But after 12 years of marriage, they have six.

Said Dr Thio, 38, half-jokingly: "When we had the first one 11 years ago, we thought he'd like some company.

"So we had number two nine years ago and three, seven years ago. They were all boys. So we tried for a girl. The fourth was a girl born five years ago. We thought maybe she'd like a sister.

"We had a fifth, also a girl four years ago. Then, we thought five already, why not have a sixth?"

Their youngest, a boy, was born a year ago.

The Thios live with their six kids in a terrace house with her parents, his mother, her intellectually disabled older brother, two maids, a dog and a few birds.

When I visited their busy home one Sunday, to be frank, I expected chaos.

But it was surprisingly quiet. Jonathan, the eldest, was sitting in bed reading. Three others were playing nicely in the garden.

The second boy, Justin, followed me around a bit and a maid was tending to the baby.

I had a long conversation with Dr and Mrs Thio and the only interruptions were from my pager.

I was seeking an answer to the question most couples with children would ask:

How on earth do they manage?

LESSON 1: EXTENDED FAMILY

They do because there are so many adults in the house.

Mrs Thio's mother, Mrs Wally Lau, 62, manages the place.

She keeps an eye on everything, goes to the wet market and supermarket, and even drives the kids to and from school when needed.

She also supervises the children's homework.

Mrs Thio's father, Mr James Lau, 64, is the family chef.

Mr Thio's mother, Mrs Helena Thio, is 75. His father, who also lived with them, died of colon cancer in 1995.

Said Mrs Thio, 38: "During the examination period, we have myself, my husband and my parents, coaching the kids."

The children have many people to go to when they need things.

"The maids, of course, are a great help," said Mrs Thio.

LESSON 2: DISCIPLINE

When the kids commit serious offences like continuous periods of disrespect or not doing homework, they get "capital punishment".

"We may deprive them of the shows they enjoy or when there is a very nice outing, the person who committed the offences gets left behind," said Mrs Thio.

What about fights over the television? Majority wins.

"They are not supposed to watch TV during weekdays anyway. They take a vote among themselves on which programmes it will be," said Mrs Thio.

LESSON 3: CARING

With a large brood, the kids naturally play with and take care of each other.

Said Mrs Lau: "Whoever comes back from school, will play with any kids in the house. They are not choosy."

Added Mrs Thio: "The older ones tend to be telling the younger ones what we used to tell them when they were young."

LESSON 4: TAKE A BREAK

The Thios, who met in junior college when they were 17 years old, believe that their relationship is the key to a good family life.

They take a break as a couple every six months for a weekend at a spa in Langkawi.

Said Dr Thio: "It's a lovely place for just Ying and I. We catch up with our reading and enjoy each other's company."

LESSON 5: BE $EN$IBLE

It costs $14,000 a month to run this household.

That amount includes house payments, payments for two cars, food, children's school fees, maids' salaries and levies, and so on.

Still, the Thios manage to have savings and take holidays.

Said Dr Thio: "When I go for my refresher course in Britain, which I do every two years, I will take Ying Ying and two of the kids. When my parents-in-law travelled to Australia, they took two of the kids. So the kids take turns to travel."

The couple said they are very sensible with money.

"We do not spoil the kids. They get what they need, but no designer clothes and shoes," said Dr Thio.

Finally, when I felt I had enough information, Mrs Thio asked her kids in. She had not answered one question I posed: Were her kids happy?

"Please ask them yourself," she said.

Number one, Jonathan, 11, said: "My brothers and sisters? They are either a pain in the neck or they can be a joy. When they are irritating, it's Jon koko (big brother) this, Jon koko that, Jon koko everything.

"But it's also a joy because I can play with them."

Number two, Justin, nine, said: "I guess my brothers and sisters are useful when I need someone to play computer games with."

The Thios have not ruled out having more children by birth or adoption.

Said Mrs Thio: "We believe that children are our future."

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ANOTHER BIG FAMILY
Eight is not enough

SO you thought six was plenty.

Meet Dr John Lee and Dr Priscilla Lim. They have eight and want more.

The couple said they hope their example will inspire others.

Said Dr Lee, 41: "Our friends often rib us saying, 'Don't shake hands with John or Priscilla, you will get pregnant' or 'Cannot control yourself hah?'. To which my stock answer is, 'At least eight times!' "

Dr Lim, also 41, suffered a miscarriage with her ninth pregnancy in April, but still hopes for more kids.

She said: "I met this elderly woman while waiting to have my ultra sound scan. She said she has three children all living in different parts of the world. In the evenings, she and her husband just sit there, looking at each other. She said she wished they had had more kids."

They realise that having a large family is not for everybody because it involves sacrifice.

"However, that sacrifice is nothing compared to the unconditional love of a child," said Dr Lee.

His children were never against welcoming another sibling.

"The only fight they have is that the girls want another girl and the boys want a boy," said Dr Lee.

He and Dr Lim have six boys and two girls aged between 1½ and 14.

They said that money alone is not the deciding factor in having a large family.

You must be able to have love for the children and find time for them.

Dr Lee cited a patient of his, a hotel doorman earning about $1,500 a month, who always looks happy.

"Every time I see him, he's smiling. When I had three kids, he had four. When I had four, he had five and when I had seven, he had nine. And he'd happily say to me, 'Hey doc, I'm stronger than you'. He's proud of all his kids and took them on holidays," said Dr Lee.

But he admitted the need to get away.

"When you have eight kids, you go to work to get some rest and maintain your sanity. Then, when you go home, you can enjoy them," said Dr Lee with a laugh.