The baby they may never have
Because they waited too long

This couple have it all.

Landed property. Two cars. A maid.

Or do they?

Today, in the second of our three-part series on falling birth rates, NG WAN CHING speaks to a couple who may have waited too long to have a baby. Now, they say they will gladly exchange the 4Cs for a single B - a baby

The New Paper - Nov 10, 1999

JOHN and Jennifer had their idea of a perfect future: One with at least two kids, a nice, comfortable home, two cars and a maid.

Well, they got their landed property, cars and maid. But now, they have found out they can't have kids.

A UK doctor told them that Jennifer's hormone levels are low.

John's sperm count is also low and of poor quality.

The doctor added that if they had sought medical help earlier, their chances of having a baby naturally would have been better.

"I could have taken some medication to boost my hormone levels and John could have had some help, too.

"There is no guarantee, but chances are better when you're younger. Now we're too old," said Jennifer sadly.

John, 40, and Jennifer, 38, have been married for 14 years. "I look on with envy at families. Every time we go out, it hurts to see so many couples with their babies and young children. It seems so easy for them."

Jennifer said that each time she reads about teenage pregnancies and teenage abortions, she would cringe.

"I would give anything now to get pregnant. Now I laugh when I think of how we had taken it so much for granted that we would be able to have a child one day.

"I would exchange the house, the cars, everything, for a baby," said Jennifer.

They wanted to make sure they were settled in their careers first before starting their family.

Jennifer, in particular, wanted to make sure their home was ready to welcome a baby.

Said the former interior decorator: "We took a few years to decide which house to buy. When we finally bought one in 1989, we had to renovate it.

"I wanted to get the renovations all done and the house all ready before even considering a family. I did not want to be running around, fighting with contractors while I was pregnant."

After the renovations, they wanted some time to themselves to make sure they had enjoyed everything.

So they went for holidays every year.

Exotic ones to Bhutan and South Africa.

And they did all the things which they felt they would have to stop doing when the baby comes along, like skiing, trekking and bungee jumping.

They were finally ready, 10 years after they got married, to have their first baby.

But life had a cruel surprise for them.

Jennifer found her periods continuing as usual. It was distressing.

After two years, she went to a fertility clinic.

She paid thousands of dollars for a whole battery of tests. Doctors could not find anything wrong with her. John refused to go for tests while in Singapore.

Then John, who works for a multinational company, was posted overseas. She quit her job and followed him, first to Hongkong, then to Japan.

And finally, John was posted to Britain and agreed to go for tests there.

That led to that fateful meeting with the British doctor.

What added to Jennifer's pain was the constant pressure she had to endure from John's family.

"It helped when we found out that there was something wrong with both of us. If it had been just me, I'm not sure the marriage would have survived," she said.

But she still has not given up hope of being a mother.

She and John want to adopt a child.

"John and I want a baby as young as possible... It will be an awesome responsibility and a pleasure."