The woman who hates babies

BY NG WAN CHING
The New Paper - Nov 9, 1999

SHE is 35 years old. Happily married for five years. Earns $250,000 a year.

You could say she has everything a woman would want in life.

Except a baby.

But no, Kelly (not her real name) is not one of those hard-luck women who CAN'T have a baby.

She DOESN'T WANT a baby.

"I can't stand the thought of having a baby. It would take too much of my time and energy," said this baby-hater.

Indeed, Kelly makes no bones that children simply fill her with horror.

Her idea of a perfect child: One that is tucked away until he or she is grown-up and can enjoy a glass of wine.

But surely, she must have maternal instincts?

Her answer is an outright no.

Where other women sees cute, cuddly babies, Kelly sees only PAIN - "nine months of pain and suffering, the pain of giving birth, the pain of recovery, the pain of having to whip your body back into shape and the pain of raising the baby".

Babies mean too many lifestyle changes.

"If a baby comes along, I might have to give up work. Then I'd have to depend on other people for money and I hate that," said Kelly, a high-flier in the financial industry.

Her attitude towards children is no secret among her close friends, most of whom are parents.

Six years ago, a close friend asked Kelly to be a godmother to her baby. Since then, Kelly has seen her godson only once - when he was six months old - and that only after her friend threatened to end their friendship. Her reason for not wanting babies is simple (to her).

"I have none of this thing about having to expend an inordinate amount of energy just to ensure my genes live on," said Kelly.

Well, that's that, I thought.

Until Kelly made a request.

"Please don't take my photograph and please don't use my real name."

Then it came out.

She does not want her parents to know.

They are still hoping she will have kids.

Kelly is their only daughter and the only child living with them.

Said Kelly: "The fallout, I imagine, will be terrible if my parents ever found out that I consciously chose not to have kids."

Her husband, completely in love with her, will not force her to go against her wishes.

Said Ken (not his real name), a financial consultant, 40: "Before I married, I always thought that perhaps, some day, I'll have them, be a dad.

"But I married Kelly and I won't change that for anything."

Besides, he said, he has also become used to the lifestyle that they now lead.

"I've become too accustomed to my comfort level," he said with a laugh.

"We give our all at work and come home late. We also play hard. We dine out often, picking any restaurants we fancy. We travel at least twice, if not three times a year, for pleasure. We golf at least twice a week.

"I honestly don't think that as we grow older we'll have the time and space in our lives for kids," he said.

Said Kelly: "I think most, if not all people who have babies, have them for selfish reasons." Because they don't want to be lonely in old age and "fantasise" that their offspring will look after them.

"I think if you want babies, you should want them for the sake of them and that after you have had them, enjoyed them and brought them up, you should let them live their own lives. I don't see many Asian parents doing that," said Kelly.

Both Ken and Kelly realise, all too well, that their views are not politically correct.

"Where Singapore is concerned, yes, we are short of babies, but the world is not. I take the bigger view of things," Kelly said.

"The six-billionth baby was born just the other day, ya? There is concern that some places cannot grow enough food to feed its population. So why add to the world's problem? Singapore is part of the world."

What if an accident happens?

"We are very careful. We are discussing having certain medical procedures to ensure that we will not have babies.

"But if an accident were to happen before that, that's life, isn't it? My parents will get their wish and our lives will never be the same again," said Kelly.