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The quest for a mate continues
from the Stone Age; only the clubs, courting rituals and mating
calls have changed. TEO PAU LIN hunts down Singaporean
ways of sieving out The Perfect One in a world of Mr Wrongs and
Miss-Calculations
LOVE brings happiness. No doubt about it.
Legions of sad love songs will tell you that love hurts, it is too
much trouble or, as in Bacharach and David's I'll Never Fall In
Love Again, it gives you "enough germs to catch pneumonia".
Finding happiness in love is indeed a matter of chance, because it
all depends on who you have the luck to come into contact with
while you are of "marriageable age", which does not last forever.
But even then, people are still suckers for it. Books, poems and
films from across cultures and languages devote themselves to
exploring the utopian ideal of true love or finding your kindred
spirit.
And rejection after rejection, heart-break after heart-break,
people still always have the reserves to seek out one of life's
greatest addictions.
Just take a walk down Orchard Road on Saturdays. Elbowing
your way through the sea of entwined lovers is not something for
faint-hearted singles. Try booking a cinema ticket on weekends
without getting sandwiched between canoodling partners on both
sides.
Or tune in to late-night radio programmes and hear love-stricken,
soppy dedication messages which are nothing short of
embarrassing.
Why is romance such an indispensable component of happiness?
Asking this question is probing into the most basic of all aspects
of human nature.
"It's biological," says Mr Brian Teh, 28, a quantity surveyor. "Why
do fish swim upstream to lay eggs? Why do turtles paddle across
the oceans to find a mate?"
Indeed, to quote the famous song Let's Do It by Cole Porter:
"Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it."
Human beings are made to fall in love. So much so that love
ranks higher than career, money, or even family for some.
"It's so much more important than the others because you get to
share your life, your successes and failures, with someone else,"
says marketing communications executive Margaret Fernandez,
29.
Mr Andrew Chin, 32, a legal officer, explains: "Even when
everything else collapses around you, there's someone there for
you. And this person accepts you just the way you are."
And as public relations officer Grace Wee, 25, who counts her
boyfriend as her soul-mate, puts it: "Can you imagine not having a
best-friend when you're 50?"
So how do Singaporeans fall in love?
Singapore is but a tiny little island, and to love-seekers, this is
bad on two counts.
First, there are not enough potential mates to choose from.
"Singapore men are so boring" seems to be the oft-heard -- and
overstated, if not unfair -- female lament. "They are so pampered
and materialistic," says Miss Fernandez. "They are not exactly
great-looking either."
Singapore women, on the other hand, are often recognised as
being candy for male eyes. "Oh, they are absolutely beautiful.
Nobody beats Singapore girls," gushes Mr Alex Tan, 24, a sports
teacher.
But even he admits that it takes communication, common ideals
and a whole lot of chemistry before things can happen.
Second, where do you go and what do you do to keep the
romantic flame alight?
The furthest you can drive to for a dreamy weekend break is
Kuala Lumpur. And besides shopping and movies, there is only
clubbing and karaoke. Yawn.
But still, Singaporeans have managed. Their unflagging spirit
never says die in sieving out The Perfect One in a world of Mr
Wrongs and Miss-Calculations.
Teenagers and young adults chalk up massive phone bills
chatting to absolute strangers on 1900 chat lines such as Personal
Talk.
If you chance upon an unpalatable creep on one line, it is okay.
There are now at least eight others to choose from.
Others tote up even bigger bills surfing the cyberseas of love.
Hoping to make the magical leap from mouse to spouse, they
scrounge chat rooms and pen-pal lists for that perfect match, and
even scroll down personal ads for some made-to-order.
And if you think that modern-day love has gone the way of the
super high-tech, the same goes in the opposite direction.
Singaporeans have also taken to the primitive practice of courting
by flaunting their bodies in public -- in the many gyms in town.
A fitness instructor reveals one reason that gyms are such a draw:
"Why go to pubs and bars where everyone's dressed up, when you
can take your pick in gyms where you see exactly what you get?"
With so much flesh pumping all manner of machines, working out
in a gym has never been more row-mantic. And if all else fails,
there is always the SDU.
Jokes that poke fun at its members as being single, desperate and
ugly are tired. The Social Development Unit now has a thriving
membership of 21,000 graduates eager to be match-made.
This figure is its highest ever, says SDU's director, Mrs Susan
Chan.
The point of all this amorous activity is, to most people, marriage.
Walking down the aisle in a white, idyllic wedding gown and suit
is the stuff of teenage daydreams and nervous marriage proposals.
Teacher Anne Han, 25, who is getting married later this year,
says: "Being married is about security and stability. What I look
forward to most is being able to depend on someone and being
with that someone."
Everyone knows, of course, that signing a nuptial certificate is far
from a sure passport to the happy-ever-after.
Says accounts director Steven Chong, 36, who has been married
for six years: "Let's put it this way. A marriage may be made in
heaven, but it takes a lot more hard work to maintain it on
Earth."
So when two people click and work at keeping alive the flame of
passion, love is indeed a many-splendoured thing.
Teo Pau Lin,
who is single, believes that the greatest happiness in love is being
able to write an article about it despite knowing only the
minimum.
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