Why are we wasting our eggs? Making Babies More married women are holding back having babies. Add to this the perennial problem of unmarried women and they spell trouble for Singapore By SUMIKO TAN RECENTLY, my colleagues Richard, Suk and I were discussing a story on the growing trend for Singaporean couples to postpone parenthood till their mid- or late-30s. Suk related how her interviews showed that women had it worse than men. While the sperms of a man are unaffected by his age and he can be fertile right into his 70s, a woman's fertility is more fragile. As she grows older, she becomes less fertile as her eggs not only shrink in number, but also deteriorate in quality. Thirty-five is the age these eggs really start to lose it. Not only that, women over 35 have a higher risk of bearing children with abnormalities and suffering pregnancy complications and miscarriages. After Suk had finished relating the bad news, Richard turned to me and joked: "Hey, you better watch it." Laughing along, I replied: "Hahaha, it's okay. I'll never have children anyway." Which is, sadly, probably going to be true. I turned 36 recently and I'm reconciled to the fact that I will go through life being childless. Why such a bleak prognosis? After all, thousands of women have their first child in their late 30s or even early 40s. But, to have a child, I would first have to get married. Chances of that happening within the next year are slim. Even if I tie the knot when I'm, say, 38, what's the probability I would have a child immediately? Most women don't. And, frankly, I'll be way too scared to bear children once I hit my 40s. It's not only the medical aspect that worries me, but the hassle of it all. Imagine, if I had a son at 40, he would be doing his national service when I'm 58 and entering university when I'm in my 60s, a time I should be retired and with few cares in the world. But the realisation that there would never be anyone who's going to call me Mum sometimes hits me like a soft blow. Until recently, I had always assumed that I would have children. One day -- I didn't know when -- they would just somehow appear. I mean, that's what happens to most women sooner or later, right? I guess not. SO, WHY am I not married by now? Sheer bad luck, I suppose, in always ending up with men with a phobia of marriage. Or maybe the problem isn't with them, but with me? Whatever. Every once in a while, I rue the fact that I'm not married and hence have no kids. But, really, if I were to be truly honest with myself, I'm rather content with my singlehood. I love the freedom it brings. Besides, I look at my married friends and the majority of them, too, are childless. Marriage certainly does not equal children. Why do married women postpone being parents? Career is definitely a big reason. It's not that they don't want to be parents. But, when you've an exciting career path ahead of you, you think: What's the harm in delaying motherhood by just a few years? Besides, working life can be so fulfilling and such great fun. And, when you have a husband who's as much a workhorse as you are, who has the time or energy to think of kids? Rather, your mind is focused on all the goodies that come with a high double income. But when you both finally get that promotion, along with the waterfront condo and nice car, working life suddenly seems a drag. You realise -- with a shock -- that you've both reached the wrong side of 35. A child, you think, might make life more meaningful, but, alas, making a baby can be harder than inking a million-dollar deal. Another reason they hold back having kids is fear. Some couples I know just don't feel they can cope with the responsibility of becoming parents. Others swear that they are just devoid of maternal/paternal instincts, so why subject themselves to being unwilling parents? Then there are newlyweds who live with their parents and put off having a baby until they have a flat of their own. The rise of divorce among younger people is another cause for either late-age parenthood or people having no kids. By the time childless divorcees get hitched again, many are in their late 30s or early 40s. For some, having babies is no longer an option. For others -- including single people like myself -- maternal or paternal instincts can be fulfilled via nieces and nephews, a rather ideal situation because you can enjoy the child without the responsibility. BUT, you may ask, what's the big deal about women staying unmarried or couples postponing parenthood? The problem is a national one. With Singaporeans bearing fewer children -- the overall birth rate has dropped steadily from 1.87 in 1990 to 1.5 in 1998 -- can the country sustain a first-world economy? Will Singapore have to rely even more on foreign talent? And as older people form a greater proportion of the population, who will be around to take care of them? At least 50,000 live births a year are needed to sustain the economy, defence and other manpower needs. The actual number over the past five years was way short of that target. In 1998, only 43,664 babies were born. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if women didn't "waste" their eggs. In my office, I know of at least 20 talented, hardworking women in their 30s and older who're either unmarried or who're married but childless, some by choice, others not. If each of us had two children, that would add up to 40 babies, enough to fill one classroom. Given the enthusiasm (some would say obsession) we have in our work, we would no doubt lavish the same, if not more, attention on our children and make sure they excel in life (or at least have brilliant grades in school). Now, think of how one classroom of bright kids would be a future asset to Singapore. But, of course, bearing children can never be deemed a form of national service. No-one is going to be a parent just because the Government wishes that would happen. In the end, to each his or her own. If you're happy with your choice in life -- whether to be married or not, to have children or be childless -- why should others interfere? And as for myself, I shall enjoy my singlehood -- and being a doting aunt.