LATE PARENTHOOD

It's because Mummy's a late-age parent, my dear. There are more older Mummys and Daddys, you know. Let's read and find out more, shall we?

By Cheong Suk-wai

BRINGING UP baby is a joy at any age. But chasing a careening tyke all over the shop when one is 45, not 25, is no laughing matter.

Mrs Ramlah Abdullah, an administrative assistant, knows this only too well.

Now 47, she tied the knot at 42 and gave birth to her only child, Muhamad Afiq, at 43.

Her husband, who wishes to be known only as Mr Abdullah, is 49.

Mrs Abdullah says: "I feel the cons of late-age parenthood far outweigh the pros.

"To begin with, I've lower energy levels than, say, a 25-year-old mother, so I'm slowing down at a time when I need to keep up with my son.

"Also, I'd got used to living as a single for more than 40 years before I had Afiq. Now the gap is just too wide -- I'll be 63 when he's only 20."

Still, she adds, philosophically: "People like me should take it easy and not expect too much or be too hard on themselves. Not comparing ourselves to younger, more active and agile parents will also take some stress off parenting at our age."

Creaking bones aside, settling down and having kids later in life has become a trend in Singapore, as the latest published statistics on marriages here show.

The total number of marriages registered in 1998 was 23,106, which was, to begin with, about 10 per cent lower than the 25,667 registered in 1997.

Out of those 23,106 weddings, the number of non-Muslim brides in the 35-39 age group grew from 3.1 per cent in 1988 to 5.3 per cent by 1998 (see chart on this page).

There was a bigger jump in percentages for Muslim brides in the same age group -- from 3.9 per cent in 1988 to 7.1 in 1998.

On the grooms' side, non-Muslims in the 35-39 age group increased sharply, from 6.9 per cent in 1988 to 11.2 per cent in 1998.

Their Muslim counterparts also registered a similar jump, from 5.4 per cent in 1988 to 10.3 per cent in 1998.

The Department of Statistics, which prepares the annual report on marriage and divorce statistics, sums up these findings as a definite trend among Singaporeans towards delayed marriage.

In fact, it adds, for both non-Muslim and Muslim marriages, the proportions of those marrying late increased visibly between 1978 and 1998 for those aged 30-34 years and above.

Conversely, the proportions of young grooms and brides aged 20-24 years fell significantly.

Dr Cheng Li Chang, 40, the medical director of Thomson Fertility Centre, says that marrying late in life is an established trend in developed countries, where people build careers first before building families.

"There is no doubt that we are seeing the same trend among Singaporeans today," he adds.

Of this, Dr Lai Fon-Min, who is in his 30s and heads the Antenatal Risk Assessment Unit at Kandang Kerbau Women's and Children's Hospital, says: "What's disturbing is that this trend is fairly accelerated in Singapore, though we only have our own observations, and not hard data, to go by."

He adds: "What we know for sure is that, in 1985, 8 per cent of all Singaporean mothers, between the ages of 15 and 45, were over 35. In 1997, that figure shot up to 17 per cent."

While he does not know the total number of mothers here in 1997, he cites the 1998 Registry of Births and Deaths report as putting the number of live births in 1997 at 47,333.

This is a reduction of 2.6 per cent from 1996.

Taking these figures together, it seems reasonable to suggest that the rise in mothers over 35 years old is related directly to the fact that more and more couples are getting married -- and therefore having children -- later.

THE RISKS AND STIGMA

BUT while couples over 35 may still sprint spiritedly to beat the biological clock, not all are fortunate enough to bear fruits for all their labour.

Dr Lai says: "Except in Down's Syndrome, being older does not, in itself, complicate a woman's pregnancy, whether she is expecting her first or fifth child.

"Rather, the older a woman is, the higher her risk of suffering from chronic medical disorders like diabetes and hypertension.

"It is the higher incidence of such disorders among ageing mothers, and not age per se, that may cause complications." (See related story on this page.)

On top of all that, having children later in life often earns such parents rude stares from men in the street.

Sister Theresa Cordeiro, 43, a nursing officer at the Thomson Medical Centre, says: "A couple may be trying very hard for a child, but they usually wouldn't want others to know that they're having trouble doing so.

"So when the woman finally conceives, the couple wouldn't be young anymore, and a social stigma attaches to them."

Mr John Vijayan Vasavan, in his late 30s, the president of the Singapore Planned Parenthood Association, says that the major reason for couples marrying late is because more people, especially women, are getting more and more career-minded.

"It's not that they don't want to get married. But now women are better-educated and have promising career paths open to them, they certainly want to excel -- so much so that they get caught up in competition and forget the other aspects of life," he says.

But Dr Paul Tseng, 43, a consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist, disagrees: "From my experience, it's not the case that women put their careers first before childbirth.

"As far as I know, women in their 40s don't consciously get pregnant at such a late stage. Who I see more often are couples who've been trying for a baby for 10 to 15 years, and have only just succeeded," he adds.

S'PORE NEEDS MORE BABIES

WITH the overall birth rate for Singapore declining steadily from 1.87 in 1990 to 1.5 in 1998, late-age parents are furrowing already-furrowed brows in Parliament.

This is because the target of the 1987 New Population Policy (which did away with the disgruntling Stop-At-Two policy) is at least 50,000 live births a year -- the minimum number needed to sustain Singapore's economy, defence and other manpower needs.

In October last year, Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong told Parliament that the actual number of live births in Singapore over the past five years was nowhere near that target. In 1998, only 43,664 babies were born.

He added that if the slide in the birth rate continued, Singapore's population of three million would swell to about 3.5 million in 2030, with older people forming a greater proportion of the population and fewer people being of working age.

He also asked: "Can a shrinking population sustain a first-world economy?"

Dr Lai points out that another significant factor contributing to late-age parenthood is the rise of divorces.

"When divorcees start their second families, they are usually much older by then," he says.

The Department of Statistics' 1998 report on marriages and divorces noted that the divorce rates for both males and females increased for all age groups in 1998, as compared with those in 1993 and 1988.

It also said that the divorce rate tends to be higher among younger people.

Sounding a gloomy note, Dr Lai adds: "Unless there are government policies to encourage couples to marry earlier, it is unlikely that the trend towards delayed parenthood will be reversed dramatically in future.

"Also, newlyweds tend to live with their parents and thus put off having a baby until they have a flat of their own.

"Otherwise, they tell me, the circumstances are too inconvenient for them to start a family."